Tim is unquestionably and without doubt the best spider squisher in the whole wide world!
We were already in bed the other night at the motel when out of the corner of my eye, I saw movement of some sort. I instinctively turned to see what it was and saw the BIGGEST, SCARIEST SPIDER I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE! It was a big fat brown huge spider scurrying across the floor. It was also probably the fastest spider I have ever seen. I shuddered all over and screamed for Tim to get up and kill it. He just laid there and said, "Well, Debbie, just step on it." I totally freaked out...I mean...this thing was huge. And now it was stopped right beside the bed, staring at me! Yes, I totally freaked! I begged him to get up and squish this spider, that I was afraid if I stepped on it that it would throw me across the room it was so big!
Being the good husband that he is, he got up to survey the situation. Upon seeing the spider, he loudly and with great surprise exclaimed, "HOLY COW!!!! That thing is HUGE!" He approached the spider to expedite its demise and it started running. Tim chased it across the room, around the jacuzzi and behind the fridge and then couldn't see it. He was going to leave it there...you know how guys are - 'out of sight, out of mind.' H-O-W-E-V-E-R, I can tell you that was NOT an acceptable end to this situation. I insisted that he pull the fridge out, find the creepy, crawly evil one and complete the task of obliterating it. When he pulled the fridge out, the spider darted out again. This time, he darted in the wrong direction. He came in direct contact with the bottom of Tim's shoe. He actually made a noise when he was squished. Ewwwww
Tim assured me over and over that the spider was dead. The spider that Tim described as looking like a "grand-daddy longlegs on steroids" was now thoroughly squished and in pieces. He went back to bed and shortly thereafter fell asleep. He had been the knight in shining armor, the rescue to this damsel in distress. He had taken out the enemy. He had saved the day...or rather, the night! Now, if he could only have controlled my dreams. The hateful thing invaded my dreams all night. Boy was I glad to see the morning sun!
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
408 Boxes
408 boxes of stuff. Just stuff. All kinds of stuff. Good stuff, dumb stuff, old stuff, new stuff, stuff we've never seen. Just stuff. 408 of 'em. That's how many boxes Servepro brought back to our house when we were ready to move back in. Everything was looking so good and then they brought in all the boxes. Every room was full ceiling to floor and wall to wall. I've never seen so many boxes crammed in a house. I didn't know we had so much stuff. However, the boxes were not full - not even close to being full. Most boxes only had a few small items in them. I could have crammed all the stuff in a fraction of the boxes. But then, Servepro wouldn't have made as much money, now, would they? Yeah...they charged $3.50 per box, plus charged so much per square foot for storing them for 5 months, then charged to deliver them back to our house. Uh huh...somebody made a bunch of money off of us.
But as somebody told me, it's been kinda like Christmas. We're opening all these boxes, not knowing what's in any of them and finding all kinds of surprises. ALL KINDS OF SURPRISES!!! We found Mayfield Dairy Employee shirts. None of us has ever worked at Mayfield Dairy. We found teeny, tiny little baby dresses. No babies in our house in about 26 years. How about the size 42 black sheer, lacy negligee??? You read right...size 42! It would have fit Tim!!! LOL And how about the H-U-G-E black lace thong that probably went with the size 42 negligee? Not stretched out, it was 18" wide. Let me just say...Ewwwwwww. In spite of all the time-consuming weariness of unpacking all the boxes, we've had quite a few laughs from it. We're just tired of it now. We took 300+ hanging items to Goodwill (clothes, bedspreads, curtains, etc etc - each item hung separately on individual hangers). We've got about 50 boxes so far to go to the church's thrift store, quite a bit of odds and ends furniture to go there, and we've had mountains of trash. If our trashman got paid on commission, he would love us this week!
But we're almost there. Almost done! Furniture is being delivered this week and I can actually see the light at the end of the tunnel. And I can see carpet where boxes used to be!! Fewer than 100 boxes to go, then we can furnish and decorate. Oh the joy! When we get everything in place, I'll give a big ole "Yall come now, ya hear!" shout out to everybody in town!
Until then, time's a-wastin'...I've got more boxes to unpack. Talk to you later!
But as somebody told me, it's been kinda like Christmas. We're opening all these boxes, not knowing what's in any of them and finding all kinds of surprises. ALL KINDS OF SURPRISES!!! We found Mayfield Dairy Employee shirts. None of us has ever worked at Mayfield Dairy. We found teeny, tiny little baby dresses. No babies in our house in about 26 years. How about the size 42 black sheer, lacy negligee??? You read right...size 42! It would have fit Tim!!! LOL And how about the H-U-G-E black lace thong that probably went with the size 42 negligee? Not stretched out, it was 18" wide. Let me just say...Ewwwwwww. In spite of all the time-consuming weariness of unpacking all the boxes, we've had quite a few laughs from it. We're just tired of it now. We took 300+ hanging items to Goodwill (clothes, bedspreads, curtains, etc etc - each item hung separately on individual hangers). We've got about 50 boxes so far to go to the church's thrift store, quite a bit of odds and ends furniture to go there, and we've had mountains of trash. If our trashman got paid on commission, he would love us this week!
But we're almost there. Almost done! Furniture is being delivered this week and I can actually see the light at the end of the tunnel. And I can see carpet where boxes used to be!! Fewer than 100 boxes to go, then we can furnish and decorate. Oh the joy! When we get everything in place, I'll give a big ole "Yall come now, ya hear!" shout out to everybody in town!
Until then, time's a-wastin'...I've got more boxes to unpack. Talk to you later!
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
The house fire was more extensive than we realized at first. But here we are, almost 6 months later, ready to move into the new house in a week or two. Well, not totally new house...the foundation and the four outside brick walls remained. Everything else is totally new! When the house caught on fire, I had H1N1 and pneumonia...apparently I got sick while in Gatlinburg. Definitely not a good way to start the new year.
We had the fire. I was sick. Becky delayed her trip back to California for a few days. John-Paul had just gotten to Florida to visit with his in-laws for the holidays and he came back home to help us. Thanks, Allie, for letting us use your washer and dryer! The dogs were put in a boarding kennel. We were living in a motel trying to make sense of everything and trying to figure out what to do next. It was an unbelievably crazy, chaotic time. But oddly enough, Tim and I had a real sense of peace about us. We never cried or grieved over the loss of our house or the things in the house. Things come. Things go. Things can be replaced. We are so very thankful for God's protection and provision in times of need. He protected us...none of us were hurt - even though Becky did run back in the burning house to rescue Belle, our aged boxer! (and yes, she has been thoroughly scolded for this!!). He protected us, and we have seen His hand of provision and His favor throughout this entire process. Many things came to light through this that we never would have known about otherwise. A lot of good changes have come through this. We've met some wonderful people as a result as well.
Two weeks after the fire, just as I was returning to work, the earthquake hit Haiti and it became instantly overwhelmingly crazy at work! In case you don't know, Tim and I both work for Operation Compassion, an international disaster relief organization. So when there's a disaster somewhere, we respond. This was a huge disaster and our response was huge.
So, here we were...muddling through the process of a house fire; working with insurance people, building contractors, cleaning companies, etc etc etc, trying to get better physically, and working long days at the office to help others going through much more devastating losses than what we had experienced. And in the middle of all the craziness, our building contractor had a quadruple by-pass operation and was off the job for several weeks. Could anything else happen?! But again, at night when we got home we had such a sense of peace. We slept good. We knew God was in control.
The re-building of our house has been a real learning experience. I've learned a lot. It's been a fun, albeit tiring, experience. We moved into a townhouse in February, the house was coming along beautifully and we were looking to move in around the first of May. Tim and I had had a vacation scheduled for a week in April for quite some time and even though we really didn't want to go at that time, we figured we needed the break. So, off we went to Myrtle Beach. We had a great time. Until the end of the week, that is. Tim got sick the last couple of days there. Very sick. We came home, he went to the doctor and was put immediately in the hospital. He had a nasty gall bladder complete with a full set of stones that had to be removed and a rowdy, rambunctious, rebellious gallstone that wouldn't cooperate. It insisted on leaving the gall bladder and getting lodged in the bile duct, causing Tim excruciating pain, toxic build-up, jaundice and a bunch of other problems. He was in the hospital for a week. So, a week in Myrtle Beach, a week in the hospital and a week at home recuperating means Tim missed 3 weeks from work and 3 weeks from staying on top of things at the house.
Still, the peace remains. Life happens a day at a time, hour by hour, and that's how we take it. Tim is back at work, back to keeping up with the house, back to putting out fires and solving problems - which he does amazingly well :o) and almost back to normal. Life won't be back to normal - as we know it - until we're back in the house. Hopefully, that will happen within the week. The house looks great, by the way! The only big thing to be done now is installing appliances and they should be delivered this week! Yay!!!
So, here we are. It is May 18th and looking back, 2010 has not been at all like I thought it would be. But that's ok. God knows the end from the beginining and I trust Him to take me there.
Becky leaves in less than a week for India. I am so amazed at that girl, and so stinkin proud of her! She is following God's call on her life and that makes me proud. I am very thankful that God chose me to be her mother. What a blessing I have been given and entrusted with. How do I feel about her going? This blog would be waaaaay to long to even go there. Just know this...I have a very real peace about it. A God-given peace. No other way to describe it.
Peace, peace, wonderful peace...coming down from the Father above. All is in His hands and I can sleep knowing that He is going with her. I can't go, but I know He is and that makes it good.
Thank God for His peace. The peace that passes understanding. A trite phrase? No indeed...not at all. I do not pretend to understand how we can have peace throughout all we've been through and in seeing Becky go to India. It passes my feeble understanding, but it is very real. His peace. Thank God for His peace!
We had the fire. I was sick. Becky delayed her trip back to California for a few days. John-Paul had just gotten to Florida to visit with his in-laws for the holidays and he came back home to help us. Thanks, Allie, for letting us use your washer and dryer! The dogs were put in a boarding kennel. We were living in a motel trying to make sense of everything and trying to figure out what to do next. It was an unbelievably crazy, chaotic time. But oddly enough, Tim and I had a real sense of peace about us. We never cried or grieved over the loss of our house or the things in the house. Things come. Things go. Things can be replaced. We are so very thankful for God's protection and provision in times of need. He protected us...none of us were hurt - even though Becky did run back in the burning house to rescue Belle, our aged boxer! (and yes, she has been thoroughly scolded for this!!). He protected us, and we have seen His hand of provision and His favor throughout this entire process. Many things came to light through this that we never would have known about otherwise. A lot of good changes have come through this. We've met some wonderful people as a result as well.
Two weeks after the fire, just as I was returning to work, the earthquake hit Haiti and it became instantly overwhelmingly crazy at work! In case you don't know, Tim and I both work for Operation Compassion, an international disaster relief organization. So when there's a disaster somewhere, we respond. This was a huge disaster and our response was huge.
So, here we were...muddling through the process of a house fire; working with insurance people, building contractors, cleaning companies, etc etc etc, trying to get better physically, and working long days at the office to help others going through much more devastating losses than what we had experienced. And in the middle of all the craziness, our building contractor had a quadruple by-pass operation and was off the job for several weeks. Could anything else happen?! But again, at night when we got home we had such a sense of peace. We slept good. We knew God was in control.
The re-building of our house has been a real learning experience. I've learned a lot. It's been a fun, albeit tiring, experience. We moved into a townhouse in February, the house was coming along beautifully and we were looking to move in around the first of May. Tim and I had had a vacation scheduled for a week in April for quite some time and even though we really didn't want to go at that time, we figured we needed the break. So, off we went to Myrtle Beach. We had a great time. Until the end of the week, that is. Tim got sick the last couple of days there. Very sick. We came home, he went to the doctor and was put immediately in the hospital. He had a nasty gall bladder complete with a full set of stones that had to be removed and a rowdy, rambunctious, rebellious gallstone that wouldn't cooperate. It insisted on leaving the gall bladder and getting lodged in the bile duct, causing Tim excruciating pain, toxic build-up, jaundice and a bunch of other problems. He was in the hospital for a week. So, a week in Myrtle Beach, a week in the hospital and a week at home recuperating means Tim missed 3 weeks from work and 3 weeks from staying on top of things at the house.
Still, the peace remains. Life happens a day at a time, hour by hour, and that's how we take it. Tim is back at work, back to keeping up with the house, back to putting out fires and solving problems - which he does amazingly well :o) and almost back to normal. Life won't be back to normal - as we know it - until we're back in the house. Hopefully, that will happen within the week. The house looks great, by the way! The only big thing to be done now is installing appliances and they should be delivered this week! Yay!!!
So, here we are. It is May 18th and looking back, 2010 has not been at all like I thought it would be. But that's ok. God knows the end from the beginining and I trust Him to take me there.
Becky leaves in less than a week for India. I am so amazed at that girl, and so stinkin proud of her! She is following God's call on her life and that makes me proud. I am very thankful that God chose me to be her mother. What a blessing I have been given and entrusted with. How do I feel about her going? This blog would be waaaaay to long to even go there. Just know this...I have a very real peace about it. A God-given peace. No other way to describe it.
Peace, peace, wonderful peace...coming down from the Father above. All is in His hands and I can sleep knowing that He is going with her. I can't go, but I know He is and that makes it good.
Thank God for His peace. The peace that passes understanding. A trite phrase? No indeed...not at all. I do not pretend to understand how we can have peace throughout all we've been through and in seeing Becky go to India. It passes my feeble understanding, but it is very real. His peace. Thank God for His peace!
Monday, May 10, 2010
Here I am, again.
Well it has become obvious that I am not good at this blogging thing. It seems I am good for a couple of blogs a year. I need to make a definite effort to do better than that. So much has happened since my last blog, I don't even know where to begin. I suppose I could start where my last blog left off. That was fall of last year.
I was preparing for Christmas. I, rather we, were all so excited about Christmas. It would be the first time in several years that our entire family would be together for Christmas. There are some new in-laws in the family since we were all together at Christmas. And there was a new baby on the way since then! Becky finally got home - we were worried because of the nasty blizzard that had the whole eastern half of the country paralyzed. Tim got stranded in Maryland because of the same blizzard. But they finally got home safe and sound. Becky made oodles and oodles of the best cookies ever. Gifts were wrapped and we were ready for Christmas! We had a cabin secured in Gatlinburg and we were all counting the days. Almost everyone in the family was able to be there. We had a great time! Unca Tim makes a WONDERFUL Santa Claus! Even the neighbors thought so!
Christmas was great, but as it does every year...it comes and it goes. A week later, a new year begins. We always say that next year is going to be better than the last. I've said that myself many times. This year, I had no idea how my year was going to end and how my new year would begin. The year went up in flames. Literally.
We got home from the cabin on December 29. On December 30 we had a house fire. Everything changed in just a matter of minutes...
I'll finish this later. I've got to go to Dalton to pick up carpet! Another chore in the re-building of the house.
I was preparing for Christmas. I, rather we, were all so excited about Christmas. It would be the first time in several years that our entire family would be together for Christmas. There are some new in-laws in the family since we were all together at Christmas. And there was a new baby on the way since then! Becky finally got home - we were worried because of the nasty blizzard that had the whole eastern half of the country paralyzed. Tim got stranded in Maryland because of the same blizzard. But they finally got home safe and sound. Becky made oodles and oodles of the best cookies ever. Gifts were wrapped and we were ready for Christmas! We had a cabin secured in Gatlinburg and we were all counting the days. Almost everyone in the family was able to be there. We had a great time! Unca Tim makes a WONDERFUL Santa Claus! Even the neighbors thought so!
Christmas was great, but as it does every year...it comes and it goes. A week later, a new year begins. We always say that next year is going to be better than the last. I've said that myself many times. This year, I had no idea how my year was going to end and how my new year would begin. The year went up in flames. Literally.
We got home from the cabin on December 29. On December 30 we had a house fire. Everything changed in just a matter of minutes...
I'll finish this later. I've got to go to Dalton to pick up carpet! Another chore in the re-building of the house.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Chicken Soup for the Sick
I should have been there. I wanted to be there. I needed to be there. Where? I needed to be in California. Becky has been sick this week and when the baby is sick, Mama needs to be there. If I had been there, I would have taken her to the ER - I'm the one who is supposed to do that. If I had been there, I would have fixed homemade chicken soup and I would have made sure she had plenty of gatorade, juice, 7-Up and whatever else was needed. If I had been there...if I had been there. But I wasn't. Becky had to depend on the love and kindness of friends. We have been blessed. Yes, we have been very blessed. Becky has lived away from home - far away from home - for several years now. And it seems like the Lord has really kept a close eye on her for us. He has placed some of the most wonderful people in her path. I've prayed for the Lord to do just that, and He has answered in ways far greater than I could have expected. When Tim and I can't be there to do what needs to be done, the Lord has always provided people to help her. She has made some friends who will be friends for life because the Lord placed them in her life. Some friends were put there to help her; others were put in her life for her to help them! But either way, the Lord has given Becky some wonderful people in her life.
When we got the phone call that she was going to the ER, Tim and I both felt so helpless. We're 2,500 miles away...not exactly a hop, skip and jump away...not quite close enough to jump up and say "I'll be there in just a little bit, honey." Nope...too far for that! We wanted to get in the car and go to her, but we had to wait. We had just gone to bed and after I hung up the phone we just laid there worrying and waiting for the next phone call. Tim put his arm around me and we prayed. It's all we could do. Pray and wait. That's what our night consisted of. There was NO sleep that night! We prayed and we waited and we took comfort in the knowledge that our Lord was there with her and that He had provided people to be there with her to take care of her. She has been covered in prayer this week and surrounded by people who care. The Lord always provides. He provides just what we need and then some. He is more than enough!
I wanted to be with her so bad I cried. I felt like my child needed me and I wasn't able to be there. But then I realized that maybe I didn't NEED to be there. Perhaps it was all part of a Master plan - a plan bigger than both of us. Yeah, maybe I didn't need to be there. But I know I sure wanted to. The mama in me kicked in big time! I know...I know...she's not a baby. She'll be 26 next week. But she's still my baby and I still want to be the one to take care of her! When am I going to learn that I just need to step out of the way sometimes and let the Lord do what He does best? He takes care of His own. (But is there anything wrong with me wanting to help Him?!) She's doing better now...whew! So I guess I won't be making a trip to California. But you can believe that if it had been something more serious, or if she had said, "Mama I need you...can you come?" that I would have been on the next plane to LA!! After all, that's what Mamas do.
When we got the phone call that she was going to the ER, Tim and I both felt so helpless. We're 2,500 miles away...not exactly a hop, skip and jump away...not quite close enough to jump up and say "I'll be there in just a little bit, honey." Nope...too far for that! We wanted to get in the car and go to her, but we had to wait. We had just gone to bed and after I hung up the phone we just laid there worrying and waiting for the next phone call. Tim put his arm around me and we prayed. It's all we could do. Pray and wait. That's what our night consisted of. There was NO sleep that night! We prayed and we waited and we took comfort in the knowledge that our Lord was there with her and that He had provided people to be there with her to take care of her. She has been covered in prayer this week and surrounded by people who care. The Lord always provides. He provides just what we need and then some. He is more than enough!
I wanted to be with her so bad I cried. I felt like my child needed me and I wasn't able to be there. But then I realized that maybe I didn't NEED to be there. Perhaps it was all part of a Master plan - a plan bigger than both of us. Yeah, maybe I didn't need to be there. But I know I sure wanted to. The mama in me kicked in big time! I know...I know...she's not a baby. She'll be 26 next week. But she's still my baby and I still want to be the one to take care of her! When am I going to learn that I just need to step out of the way sometimes and let the Lord do what He does best? He takes care of His own. (But is there anything wrong with me wanting to help Him?!) She's doing better now...whew! So I guess I won't be making a trip to California. But you can believe that if it had been something more serious, or if she had said, "Mama I need you...can you come?" that I would have been on the next plane to LA!! After all, that's what Mamas do.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
What Would I Give Up?
I've been forced to think about something this week. No, nobody held me down while shining a bright light in my eyes and screaming, "Think. You hear me? I said think. Now do it. Do it NOW. THINK!." (Ok, maybe I watch too much NCIS!) Circumstances have forced me to think. A lovely young lady is staying at the house with me this week. Tim is out of town so it's just the two of us. I have never met her before this week. She is with an evangelistic team that is in revival at our church and I volunteered to keep some of the team in my home. I was blessed to have Laura assigned to me. Laura is a beautiful lady from New York with a very sweet disposition. I have really enjoyed getting to know her. She is very young-looking for her age. I thought she was about 30, but she has two children in college, so she's obviously older than 30! She is, in fact, one of the oldest on the evangelistic team.
Laura and I were talking when she first arrived and one of the things we talked about was how she came to be a part of this evangelistic ministry. She explained to me that she was from New York. She had been a designer with a high end label, owned her own townhouse in New York and in Boston. She traveled back and forth with her career. According to her, she made "a very, very good living - according to anyone's standards." She had a husband and two children - a son and a daughter. She was living the American dream. She went to a revival service with a friend where this evangelist was in revival and felt drawn to his ministry. She said she felt God calling her to join them and that three of her friends confirmed this calling. Laura left her home, her children, her career, sold her homes and joined this evangelistic ministry. She has been with them for a few years now. Her husband divorced her. Her son, who is now in college won't talk to her. He says she is in a cult. She will call her son a couple times a week and get his voice mail. She said he won't even answer her calls, but she calls him anyway just to hear his voice on the voice mail message. Her daughter has come around and will talk to her, but still doesn't understand why Mom left. According to Laura, all these things are just the price she has to pay to follow Christ. She told me that she was just following the New Testament example of the disciples forsaking all to follow Christ. But was she following Christ or the evangelist?
Hmmm, I really have problems with this. Would God ask a woman to leave her husband and children to join an evangelistic ministry? I don't know. Maybe. I'm not God. I don't think He would, but I don't know everything. I know I feel VERY strongly about my role as a wife and mother. When I first married, I firmly believed - and still do - that my first ministry is to my husband as a wife and helpmate. And then when the children came along, it was my God-given responsibility to raise those children and to train them in the ways of the Lord. My husband and my children are and always have been my first priority in ministry. Even when pastoring, they (not the church members) were my first ministry. It is one that I don't take lightly...one that I have enjoyed and take pride in. I feel honored that God chose me to be the wife of Tim and to mother John-Paul and Becky. I could not just walk away from them and leave them. I don't understand women who do.
Webster defines the word 'forsake' 1. to quit or leave entirely; abandon; desert 2. to give up or renounce (as a habit or way of life); to reject; to refuse. No! No! No! I could not - not EVER - forsake Tim, John-Paul or Becky. The words used to describe 'forsake' sound so harsh, so final. God forbid that I should ever have to forsake my family. So, why did she do it? I'm sure I don't know. Perhaps she felt that she couldn't live for the Lord unless she did. Maybe the pressures of the career and just life in general were too much. Who knows? Would I do it? Could I do it? Exactly what would I give up to follow Christ? As a young girl, I had dreams, aspirations and goals I wanted to reach. There were things I wanted to accomplish, things I wanted to do and had every intention of doing. However, my life didn't go exactly as I had it planned. I'm sure most people can say the same thing. Well, a lot of people anyway...maybe not most. But I don't consider those things a loss. I prefer to consider them more of an exchange. I love Webster! He defines 'exchange' as "giving up something for something else; to give in return for something received." I exchanged my dreams and goals for a very fulfilled life of living for Christ WITH Tim, John-Paul and Becky. Could I have had those things and still been a good wife and mother? Possibly, but who knows? I have exchanged one thing for something much better. I feel like I came out on the better end of this equation! If I never accomplish anything else in this life, I hope I can say at the end that I did my best as a wife and mother.
So, what would I give up? Did I give up careers goals and dreams? I don't know if I actually gave them up. My life just went a different direction. So, what WOULD I give up? Who can answer that? What would you give up?
Laura and I were talking when she first arrived and one of the things we talked about was how she came to be a part of this evangelistic ministry. She explained to me that she was from New York. She had been a designer with a high end label, owned her own townhouse in New York and in Boston. She traveled back and forth with her career. According to her, she made "a very, very good living - according to anyone's standards." She had a husband and two children - a son and a daughter. She was living the American dream. She went to a revival service with a friend where this evangelist was in revival and felt drawn to his ministry. She said she felt God calling her to join them and that three of her friends confirmed this calling. Laura left her home, her children, her career, sold her homes and joined this evangelistic ministry. She has been with them for a few years now. Her husband divorced her. Her son, who is now in college won't talk to her. He says she is in a cult. She will call her son a couple times a week and get his voice mail. She said he won't even answer her calls, but she calls him anyway just to hear his voice on the voice mail message. Her daughter has come around and will talk to her, but still doesn't understand why Mom left. According to Laura, all these things are just the price she has to pay to follow Christ. She told me that she was just following the New Testament example of the disciples forsaking all to follow Christ. But was she following Christ or the evangelist?
Hmmm, I really have problems with this. Would God ask a woman to leave her husband and children to join an evangelistic ministry? I don't know. Maybe. I'm not God. I don't think He would, but I don't know everything. I know I feel VERY strongly about my role as a wife and mother. When I first married, I firmly believed - and still do - that my first ministry is to my husband as a wife and helpmate. And then when the children came along, it was my God-given responsibility to raise those children and to train them in the ways of the Lord. My husband and my children are and always have been my first priority in ministry. Even when pastoring, they (not the church members) were my first ministry. It is one that I don't take lightly...one that I have enjoyed and take pride in. I feel honored that God chose me to be the wife of Tim and to mother John-Paul and Becky. I could not just walk away from them and leave them. I don't understand women who do.
Webster defines the word 'forsake' 1. to quit or leave entirely; abandon; desert 2. to give up or renounce (as a habit or way of life); to reject; to refuse. No! No! No! I could not - not EVER - forsake Tim, John-Paul or Becky. The words used to describe 'forsake' sound so harsh, so final. God forbid that I should ever have to forsake my family. So, why did she do it? I'm sure I don't know. Perhaps she felt that she couldn't live for the Lord unless she did. Maybe the pressures of the career and just life in general were too much. Who knows? Would I do it? Could I do it? Exactly what would I give up to follow Christ? As a young girl, I had dreams, aspirations and goals I wanted to reach. There were things I wanted to accomplish, things I wanted to do and had every intention of doing. However, my life didn't go exactly as I had it planned. I'm sure most people can say the same thing. Well, a lot of people anyway...maybe not most. But I don't consider those things a loss. I prefer to consider them more of an exchange. I love Webster! He defines 'exchange' as "giving up something for something else; to give in return for something received." I exchanged my dreams and goals for a very fulfilled life of living for Christ WITH Tim, John-Paul and Becky. Could I have had those things and still been a good wife and mother? Possibly, but who knows? I have exchanged one thing for something much better. I feel like I came out on the better end of this equation! If I never accomplish anything else in this life, I hope I can say at the end that I did my best as a wife and mother.
So, what would I give up? Did I give up careers goals and dreams? I don't know if I actually gave them up. My life just went a different direction. So, what WOULD I give up? Who can answer that? What would you give up?
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Heavy Hearts
The weather has been beautiful. The skies are the brightest blue with the most beautiful clouds. There is just a nip in the air and a few leaves are starting to turn. I've seen and held beautiful babies this week - rocking one of them to sleep, and held my wiggling puppy as he tried to give me kissies all over because he was so excited to me. After all, I had been gone a whopping 3 hours! I got to spend the weekend with John-Paul and Allie. I love going to their house! And I've talked to Becky every day. Tim and I are planning a weekend get-away to Gatlinburg. All seems right with the world.
But all is not right with the world. Not for a lot of people. While in Sumiton with John-Paul and Allie last weekend I got a phone call that one of the young men that went to our church and went to school with John-Paul and Becky had been brutally murdered. We knew him well. His mother was Becky's piano teacher. John-Paul had tried many times to help the young man. Help him? How? What was wrong? Jesse was a good kid. He had a sad story, but he was a good kid. Jesse's mother was a precious lady who had lived a hard life. Her husband, Jesse's dad, was an alcoholic. He literally drank them into poverty. Severe poverty. Regina tried hard to provide for her family and to take care of her two boys, but teaching piano lessons doesn't make one rich. And besides, her husband would find her earnings that she tried to hide and spend them on alcohol. She never complained. She always forgave him and always hoped that he would straighten up and do right. "He's really such a good man. When he's not drinking he's a wonderful husband and father," she would say. We never could figure out if she was trying to convince us - her friends - or herself. She always apologized for him, covered for him, always loved him.
And then tragedy struck Regina is a most horrific way. While teaching piano at the church one day to two little girls, sisters, she collapsed at the keyboard. The girls ran screaming for help because Miss Regina had fainted and wouldn't wake up. Regina didn't wake up for quite a while. The doctors said that Regina had a brain tumor. Regina had a malignant tumor in her brain. She fought valiantly. She fought hard. She fought until the very end. But the cancer won. Regina died, leaving her two sons with an alcoholic father. One of my last conversations with her, she confided over and over again that she was worried about the boys. "He's good, Debbie, but I just don't know if he knows how to take care of the boys. But, he's really a good man. Please don't think he's not." Even in her final days, she was still wanting people to see the good in this mostly-absentee, abusive, alcoholic man she called her husband. My heart broke for her and the boys. At her death, this husband that she said was such a good man didn't even assist in the arrangements for her funeral. He was out drinking somewhere because he was so brokenhearted. Some of us ladies in the church choir took care of all the arrangements, with assistance from her sister in Tampa, Florida. She didn't even have a dress to wear. We made sure she looked very good for her last church service.
And now, just a few short years later, I found out that Jesse had been murdered. Jesse had gotten in with the wrong crowd, and like so many other young kids got messed up with drugs and alcohol. Jesse was a smart boy. He had a lot of potential. He really could have done great things. But life for Jesse was hard. Too hard. He was accepted to Lee University, but he never finished. He would start and stop, and at his death had just started back to Cleveland State. His friends said he was doing pretty good...trying to turn his life around. He had started back to school, was trying really hard to "be good" and by one account, had even turned his life over to God again. John-Paul and his friends tried many times through the years to help Jesse, to be a good influence and a positive role model for him. But life was just too hard. It's easy to do the right thing when you're with the right people in the right place, but when you have to go back home and face the monster of real life, it's just too hard. Too hard for someone who wasn't real strong in the first place. Jesse was out with some friends celebrating a birthday party when the intruder arrived. Jesse tried to protect the girls from the intruder and they got into a physical struggle. The intruder stabbed Jesse with a large hunting knife. The word is that as Jesse lay dying he was praying. His girlfriend prayed with him. He bled out in less than five minutes, but he had time to pray. Regina was a good woman who loved the Lord and taught her boys to love the Lord. Jesse didn't always live right, but he knew Who to call in time of trouble. Jesse made things right with God and today, Jesse is with Regina again! Happy reunion!
His dad? Well, his dad is still the same, perhaps even worse. He has cirrhosis of the liver in advanced stages and probably won't live long. Jesse was killed on a Friday night, actually the wee early morning hours of Saturday. His dad never even went to the funeral home to make the arrangements for his memorial service. After five days, Jesse's friends finally went to the funeral home and made the arrangements. Jesse leaves behind a younger brother. We all worry about him. What will he do? Where will he go? What will he become? Only God knows.
Jesse has consumed my heart and mind this week. I've remembered many times I saw him, talked to him, spent time with his mother. I've felt guilt for not doing enough. I should have done more to help them. I think most of us who knew them are sharing the load of guilt. OUr hearts are heavy.
And then, there are other friends who come calling. We got a phone call yesterday from some friends that we've had for years. Friends that we've been in ministry with. They have really struggled in ministry the past few years and it has taken a toll. They are tired. They are weak and worn out from the battle. It has taken a toll physically on both of them. They are tired of fighting. They have lost their drive, lost their determination, lost their fight. They want to come home to rest. Sometimes the fight becomes too much. It's not always a bad thing to take a few steps back to rest and recover strength. That's when others go to the front to continue fighting for you. They have come back to Cleveland. They said they wanted to come back here because they felt safe here. She said they came back here because we are here. We, Tim and I, they came back because we are here. We went out to dinner with them. We listened to them talk and pour out their hearts. Their hearts are hurting and they needed someone to listen and understand. We've been there. We know what it's like. We understand. After the guys went home, she and I stayed and talked til almost 1 a.m. We literally talked from 5:30 p.m. to 12:45 a.m. Seven hours of pouring out her heart. We laughed. We cried. They are hurting. They've been beat up. They just look exhausted. When I first saw her, I hugged her and said "Welcome back to Cleveland. Welcome home. It's been hard, hasn't it?" Her eyes teared up and she just nodded. Yeah, it's been hard. It's hard to watch people abuse your husband in the name of ministry. It's hard to watch your husband deteriorate physically from the stress. It's hard to have to take control of a situation that your husband would normally and in the past always did take care of. It's hard to keep a right attitude when you're being mistreated. My heart is heavy for them. I know what they're going through. But it won't last forever. They are home where they feel safe, but just being here won't solve the problems. They can rest for awhile, but they will eventually have to face the problem, deal with it and move on with their lives. And they will.
Yepper, it's been a hard week...I've had a heavy heart. My heart hurts for others who are also hurting. But I can rejoice in knowing that the One who knows all things can heal all the hurts. Hearts aren't heavy forever. He gladly lifts our burdens and our hearts are light once again!
But all is not right with the world. Not for a lot of people. While in Sumiton with John-Paul and Allie last weekend I got a phone call that one of the young men that went to our church and went to school with John-Paul and Becky had been brutally murdered. We knew him well. His mother was Becky's piano teacher. John-Paul had tried many times to help the young man. Help him? How? What was wrong? Jesse was a good kid. He had a sad story, but he was a good kid. Jesse's mother was a precious lady who had lived a hard life. Her husband, Jesse's dad, was an alcoholic. He literally drank them into poverty. Severe poverty. Regina tried hard to provide for her family and to take care of her two boys, but teaching piano lessons doesn't make one rich. And besides, her husband would find her earnings that she tried to hide and spend them on alcohol. She never complained. She always forgave him and always hoped that he would straighten up and do right. "He's really such a good man. When he's not drinking he's a wonderful husband and father," she would say. We never could figure out if she was trying to convince us - her friends - or herself. She always apologized for him, covered for him, always loved him.
And then tragedy struck Regina is a most horrific way. While teaching piano at the church one day to two little girls, sisters, she collapsed at the keyboard. The girls ran screaming for help because Miss Regina had fainted and wouldn't wake up. Regina didn't wake up for quite a while. The doctors said that Regina had a brain tumor. Regina had a malignant tumor in her brain. She fought valiantly. She fought hard. She fought until the very end. But the cancer won. Regina died, leaving her two sons with an alcoholic father. One of my last conversations with her, she confided over and over again that she was worried about the boys. "He's good, Debbie, but I just don't know if he knows how to take care of the boys. But, he's really a good man. Please don't think he's not." Even in her final days, she was still wanting people to see the good in this mostly-absentee, abusive, alcoholic man she called her husband. My heart broke for her and the boys. At her death, this husband that she said was such a good man didn't even assist in the arrangements for her funeral. He was out drinking somewhere because he was so brokenhearted. Some of us ladies in the church choir took care of all the arrangements, with assistance from her sister in Tampa, Florida. She didn't even have a dress to wear. We made sure she looked very good for her last church service.
And now, just a few short years later, I found out that Jesse had been murdered. Jesse had gotten in with the wrong crowd, and like so many other young kids got messed up with drugs and alcohol. Jesse was a smart boy. He had a lot of potential. He really could have done great things. But life for Jesse was hard. Too hard. He was accepted to Lee University, but he never finished. He would start and stop, and at his death had just started back to Cleveland State. His friends said he was doing pretty good...trying to turn his life around. He had started back to school, was trying really hard to "be good" and by one account, had even turned his life over to God again. John-Paul and his friends tried many times through the years to help Jesse, to be a good influence and a positive role model for him. But life was just too hard. It's easy to do the right thing when you're with the right people in the right place, but when you have to go back home and face the monster of real life, it's just too hard. Too hard for someone who wasn't real strong in the first place. Jesse was out with some friends celebrating a birthday party when the intruder arrived. Jesse tried to protect the girls from the intruder and they got into a physical struggle. The intruder stabbed Jesse with a large hunting knife. The word is that as Jesse lay dying he was praying. His girlfriend prayed with him. He bled out in less than five minutes, but he had time to pray. Regina was a good woman who loved the Lord and taught her boys to love the Lord. Jesse didn't always live right, but he knew Who to call in time of trouble. Jesse made things right with God and today, Jesse is with Regina again! Happy reunion!
His dad? Well, his dad is still the same, perhaps even worse. He has cirrhosis of the liver in advanced stages and probably won't live long. Jesse was killed on a Friday night, actually the wee early morning hours of Saturday. His dad never even went to the funeral home to make the arrangements for his memorial service. After five days, Jesse's friends finally went to the funeral home and made the arrangements. Jesse leaves behind a younger brother. We all worry about him. What will he do? Where will he go? What will he become? Only God knows.
Jesse has consumed my heart and mind this week. I've remembered many times I saw him, talked to him, spent time with his mother. I've felt guilt for not doing enough. I should have done more to help them. I think most of us who knew them are sharing the load of guilt. OUr hearts are heavy.
And then, there are other friends who come calling. We got a phone call yesterday from some friends that we've had for years. Friends that we've been in ministry with. They have really struggled in ministry the past few years and it has taken a toll. They are tired. They are weak and worn out from the battle. It has taken a toll physically on both of them. They are tired of fighting. They have lost their drive, lost their determination, lost their fight. They want to come home to rest. Sometimes the fight becomes too much. It's not always a bad thing to take a few steps back to rest and recover strength. That's when others go to the front to continue fighting for you. They have come back to Cleveland. They said they wanted to come back here because they felt safe here. She said they came back here because we are here. We, Tim and I, they came back because we are here. We went out to dinner with them. We listened to them talk and pour out their hearts. Their hearts are hurting and they needed someone to listen and understand. We've been there. We know what it's like. We understand. After the guys went home, she and I stayed and talked til almost 1 a.m. We literally talked from 5:30 p.m. to 12:45 a.m. Seven hours of pouring out her heart. We laughed. We cried. They are hurting. They've been beat up. They just look exhausted. When I first saw her, I hugged her and said "Welcome back to Cleveland. Welcome home. It's been hard, hasn't it?" Her eyes teared up and she just nodded. Yeah, it's been hard. It's hard to watch people abuse your husband in the name of ministry. It's hard to watch your husband deteriorate physically from the stress. It's hard to have to take control of a situation that your husband would normally and in the past always did take care of. It's hard to keep a right attitude when you're being mistreated. My heart is heavy for them. I know what they're going through. But it won't last forever. They are home where they feel safe, but just being here won't solve the problems. They can rest for awhile, but they will eventually have to face the problem, deal with it and move on with their lives. And they will.
Yepper, it's been a hard week...I've had a heavy heart. My heart hurts for others who are also hurting. But I can rejoice in knowing that the One who knows all things can heal all the hurts. Hearts aren't heavy forever. He gladly lifts our burdens and our hearts are light once again!
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