Heavy Hearts

The weather has been beautiful. The skies are the brightest blue with the most beautiful clouds. There is just a nip in the air and a few leaves are starting to turn. I've seen and held beautiful babies this week - rocking one of them to sleep, and held my wiggling puppy as he tried to give me kissies all over because he was so excited to me. After all, I had been gone a whopping 3 hours! I got to spend the weekend with John-Paul and Allie. I love going to their house! And I've talked to Becky every day. Tim and I are planning a weekend get-away to Gatlinburg. All seems right with the world.

But all is not right with the world. Not for a lot of people. While in Sumiton with John-Paul and Allie last weekend I got a phone call that one of the young men that went to our church and went to school with John-Paul and Becky had been brutally murdered. We knew him well. His mother was Becky's piano teacher. John-Paul had tried many times to help the young man. Help him? How? What was wrong? Jesse was a good kid. He had a sad story, but he was a good kid. Jesse's mother was a precious lady who had lived a hard life. Her husband, Jesse's dad, was an alcoholic. He literally drank them into poverty. Severe poverty. Regina tried hard to provide for her family and to take care of her two boys, but teaching piano lessons doesn't make one rich. And besides, her husband would find her earnings that she tried to hide and spend them on alcohol. She never complained. She always forgave him and always hoped that he would straighten up and do right. "He's really such a good man. When he's not drinking he's a wonderful husband and father," she would say. We never could figure out if she was trying to convince us - her friends - or herself. She always apologized for him, covered for him, always loved him.

And then tragedy struck Regina is a most horrific way. While teaching piano at the church one day to two little girls, sisters, she collapsed at the keyboard. The girls ran screaming for help because Miss Regina had fainted and wouldn't wake up. Regina didn't wake up for quite a while. The doctors said that Regina had a brain tumor. Regina had a malignant tumor in her brain. She fought valiantly. She fought hard. She fought until the very end. But the cancer won. Regina died, leaving her two sons with an alcoholic father. One of my last conversations with her, she confided over and over again that she was worried about the boys. "He's good, Debbie, but I just don't know if he knows how to take care of the boys. But, he's really a good man. Please don't think he's not." Even in her final days, she was still wanting people to see the good in this mostly-absentee, abusive, alcoholic man she called her husband. My heart broke for her and the boys. At her death, this husband that she said was such a good man didn't even assist in the arrangements for her funeral. He was out drinking somewhere because he was so brokenhearted. Some of us ladies in the church choir took care of all the arrangements, with assistance from her sister in Tampa, Florida. She didn't even have a dress to wear. We made sure she looked very good for her last church service.

And now, just a few short years later, I found out that Jesse had been murdered. Jesse had gotten in with the wrong crowd, and like so many other young kids got messed up with drugs and alcohol. Jesse was a smart boy. He had a lot of potential. He really could have done great things. But life for Jesse was hard. Too hard. He was accepted to Lee University, but he never finished. He would start and stop, and at his death had just started back to Cleveland State. His friends said he was doing pretty good...trying to turn his life around. He had started back to school, was trying really hard to "be good" and by one account, had even turned his life over to God again. John-Paul and his friends tried many times through the years to help Jesse, to be a good influence and a positive role model for him. But life was just too hard. It's easy to do the right thing when you're with the right people in the right place, but when you have to go back home and face the monster of real life, it's just too hard. Too hard for someone who wasn't real strong in the first place. Jesse was out with some friends celebrating a birthday party when the intruder arrived. Jesse tried to protect the girls from the intruder and they got into a physical struggle. The intruder stabbed Jesse with a large hunting knife. The word is that as Jesse lay dying he was praying. His girlfriend prayed with him. He bled out in less than five minutes, but he had time to pray. Regina was a good woman who loved the Lord and taught her boys to love the Lord. Jesse didn't always live right, but he knew Who to call in time of trouble. Jesse made things right with God and today, Jesse is with Regina again! Happy reunion!

His dad? Well, his dad is still the same, perhaps even worse. He has cirrhosis of the liver in advanced stages and probably won't live long. Jesse was killed on a Friday night, actually the wee early morning hours of Saturday. His dad never even went to the funeral home to make the arrangements for his memorial service. After five days, Jesse's friends finally went to the funeral home and made the arrangements. Jesse leaves behind a younger brother. We all worry about him. What will he do? Where will he go? What will he become? Only God knows.

Jesse has consumed my heart and mind this week. I've remembered many times I saw him, talked to him, spent time with his mother. I've felt guilt for not doing enough. I should have done more to help them. I think most of us who knew them are sharing the load of guilt. OUr hearts are heavy.

And then, there are other friends who come calling. We got a phone call yesterday from some friends that we've had for years. Friends that we've been in ministry with. They have really struggled in ministry the past few years and it has taken a toll. They are tired. They are weak and worn out from the battle. It has taken a toll physically on both of them. They are tired of fighting. They have lost their drive, lost their determination, lost their fight. They want to come home to rest. Sometimes the fight becomes too much. It's not always a bad thing to take a few steps back to rest and recover strength. That's when others go to the front to continue fighting for you. They have come back to Cleveland. They said they wanted to come back here because they felt safe here. She said they came back here because we are here. We, Tim and I, they came back because we are here. We went out to dinner with them. We listened to them talk and pour out their hearts. Their hearts are hurting and they needed someone to listen and understand. We've been there. We know what it's like. We understand. After the guys went home, she and I stayed and talked til almost 1 a.m. We literally talked from 5:30 p.m. to 12:45 a.m. Seven hours of pouring out her heart. We laughed. We cried. They are hurting. They've been beat up. They just look exhausted. When I first saw her, I hugged her and said "Welcome back to Cleveland. Welcome home. It's been hard, hasn't it?" Her eyes teared up and she just nodded. Yeah, it's been hard. It's hard to watch people abuse your husband in the name of ministry. It's hard to watch your husband deteriorate physically from the stress. It's hard to have to take control of a situation that your husband would normally and in the past always did take care of. It's hard to keep a right attitude when you're being mistreated. My heart is heavy for them. I know what they're going through. But it won't last forever. They are home where they feel safe, but just being here won't solve the problems. They can rest for awhile, but they will eventually have to face the problem, deal with it and move on with their lives. And they will.

Yepper, it's been a hard week...I've had a heavy heart. My heart hurts for others who are also hurting. But I can rejoice in knowing that the One who knows all things can heal all the hurts. Hearts aren't heavy forever. He gladly lifts our burdens and our hearts are light once again!

I'm Still Here

Despite what others may say, I am still here. Yes, I have taken quite a break but I'm back. My mind has been swirling with things to share. As soon as I clear my mind and shake off the cobwebs, I'll resume putting my thoughts on paper...or on the keyboard...or on the blog...whatever. Bottom line...I'm back!

Happy Hour

Mmmm. Happy Hour at Sonic makes me very happy! Half-price drinks from 2-4. Nothing better than a teeth-chilling cold grape slush when it's hot outside. Gotta love it!

Let's Go Outside!

I've been stuck indoors way too much this week. The office is closing in on me. It's time to get outside and enjoy the beautiful weather. And I'm ready for it! I got me some new sandals with my toenails painted bright red and a grape slush from Sonic...yep, I'm ready to go.

The only bears we saw! The gift shop kind!

This is why they're called the Smoky Mountains!

Brrrr - freezing cold mountain streams full of trout. Better watch out, fishies...the bears are not hibernating anymore!

Tim and Doug overlooking a mountain stream.

Cade's Cove - Smoky Mountains

We left EARLY Saturday morning - before the sun was up early - to drive to Cade's Cove to see the animals. The bears are out of hibernation and we wanted to see them, the foxes, deer and other animals in the mountains out for their early morning feeding. We were with Doug & Phillis, Barbara, and Joe & Helen in Joe & Helen's motorhome. It was beautiful and we had a good time. Good family + good friends + good times = a good life!

The mountains were clothed in their signature smoky haze...thus the name Smoky Mountains. The streams were crystal clear and COLD. We saw quite a few animals, and drove through the mountains looking at old (1800's) churches, log cabins and barns. It was a peaceful day overall. I'm ready to do it again!

My Birthday

My birthday was last week. I hit the big 5-0. Yep, I'm 50. I've never really struggled with any of my birthdays. Age is just a number to me. There are so many cliches about age...you're only as old as you feel...another birthday is better than dead...all kinds of dumb sayings! I guess if I ever had any negative or depressing thoughts about a birthday, it was this one. Fifty is considered a milestone. It was nothing really special or spectacular to me. Just a reminder that I don't have as much time left on this earth as I did a few years ago...that I have fewer years to live than I have already lived. But you know what that tells me? That tells me that I've got to make the very best of every single day I have left! Yessirree! I'm going to live every single day to the very best of my ability. I am going to resolve to absolutely enjoy every minute of every day - make the most out of every hour! I'm going to dance my way through life and when my time comes to go, I want to be able to say "Wow! What a wonderful life!!"

Several of my good friends and I share the same birthday (how weird is that?!) and some of us got together the night before my birthday for dinner at a local restaurant. Then we went to one of our friends' home for cake, gifts and cards and just a good time. I had a beautiful birthday cake with blue roses on it. Thank you, friends. Good friends are a treasure and should be valued as such.

On the day of my birthday, it has become my routine to have my annual physical exam. (The doctor very professionally informed me that I was "aging" beautifully! Hmph.) I did it this year, as usual, and while at the doctor's office my sister, Beth, called. She called to tell me that they were celebrating my birthday in Baton Rouge. Huh?! I'm in Tennessee and they're celebrating in BR? Hmmm. I appreciate the thought, but it would be nice to be at my own birthday celebration!! Actually, I thought it was very thoughtful, a little weird and totally hilarious that they actually ordered a birthday cake with blue roses (do I see a theme here?!) and had a little birthday party for me - without me! I took a picture of myself with my camera phone and sent it to them so they could at least look at me while they ate my birthday cake. They in turn sent me a picture of the cake. It was beautiful! Hope they enjoyed it...hope it tasted as good as it looked!

So, Happy Birthday to me! I haven't accomplished all I wanted to in this life, but I have accomplished some things and I have been blessed way more than I deserve. I have a wonderful husband that I am totally devoted to, and two of the most wonderful people on this planet to call me Mom. I look at them and see all that they have accomplished and I am proud. Very proud. I have accomplished more through them than I ever could have accomplished alone in this life. So, in retrospect, maybe I have accomplished a lot. Just not the things that I set out to do. Regardless, I am proud. Very proud and very blessed!

What a Vacation!

"The rains came down and the floods came up. The rains came down and the floods came up." It rained so hard in Myrtle Beach, I thought we would float away. The wind was blowing so hard there were gale force wind advisories out and it was raining sideways! No use trying to use an umbrella...it just got turned inside out! At times it rained so hard, I couldn't even see across the parking lot! But it made for some good sleeping late Friday morning!

Toward the end of our stay in Myrtle Beach, we finally got to go out and walk on the beach a little bit. It was freezing and very windy! Beautiful, but freezing. Tim never got to hit a single golf ball. We went out and took in the sights a few times and overall, had a very relaxing time in MB. On our last day there we woke up to the sun shining in a bright blue sky. Wouldn't you know it?! It was still cool, but a beautiful day. We enjoyed our last couple of hours there before heading home. We had a good time. So good, in fact, we plan to go back. I just hope the weather cooperates next time!

Winter in Myrtle Beach

What's the big idea?!?! It's supposed to be warm and sunny in Myrtle Beach. It was freezing cold and windy. When we got to the hotel, the valet guy came to open my door and when he did, the wind blew into the car and blew everything that wasn't tied down out into the driveway. I was so embarrassed! All 50-gazillion pages of the Atlanta Journal newspaper, our mail, my birthday cards, my Southern Living magazine, an empty water bottle...literally everything that was loose in the car went flying out of the car. Me, Tim and the valet dude were chasing papers all over the driveway! After we finally got it all collected and the luggage on the cart, the valet guy looked at me and said "Welcome to Myrtle Beach, ma'am." What a welcome!

We went upstairs to check out the room and unpack and then left to roam around the hotel and go get something to eat. We had not eaten since breakfast at Cracker Barrel. We went to this really great place called Captain George's. The concierge recommended it. It's an all-you-can-eat seafood buffet with over 150 items. There are 4 full food buffets and then a huge dessert buffet. The bars had everything anybody would want...a huge salad selection, a whole section of breads ... rolls, hushpuppies, etc., American fare or Italian for those who don't eat seafood (fried chicken, meatloaf, roast pork, ham, pasta dishes, chicken parm, mac & cheese, veggies, etc.), and then the biggest seafood selection I've ever seen. They had fried, baked, broiled and casseroled everything! Oysters, crabs, clams, fish, fish, and fish, crab cakes, crab salad, boiled shrimp, fried shrimp, scallops, lobster, seafood pasta salad, seafood pasta casserole, and more fish. They had seafood dishes I had never heard of. And Tim's favorite...crab legs! A group of young men came in and the only thing they ate were the crab legs. They would go to the bar and get a plate piled high with crab legs, eat them, and go back for more. They never ate any salad or veggies or any other seafood...just crab legs! There is no way anyone could eat some of everything there. We walked around it to see what all was there and then chose the items we wanted. It would be very easy to eat yourself sick at a place like that! The food and service were both great, and the decor and ambiance made you want to come back. It was very relaxing and had - of course - a nautical theme. The food bars were shaped like a boat with huge sails above them, so it looked like it was served on big sailboats. Neat! We ate til we were full, then had coffee and just relaxed for awhile. I had wondered what the hours were, because people just kept coming in and they just kept refilling the serving dishes and it was getting close to 9:00 p.m. As we left, I looked at the posted hours...it said they were open "Monday through Saturday 4:00 pm until..." The hostess said they keep serving as long as people keep coming. Glad I don't work there!

When we left, it had gotten even colder. We were wearing our leather coats! We drove through Myrtle Beach just taking in the sights and getting familiar with the area before going back to the hotel for the night. What is that, Tim? Is that rain??????????

Myrtle Beach, Here We Come

We left last Wednesday after quite a busy day headed for Myrtle Beach. Wednesday was a trip in itself. Wednesday was my birthday...the big 50!! WooHoo!! I always take my birthday off as a day just for me. That's the day I take care of my annual physical exams (you know the routine, women...pap, mammo, etc. etc.). Yeah I know. I've been told it's a weird routine I have - doing this on my birthday, but I kinda figure it's a gift to me. Who else is gonna take care of me, but me? And besides, if I schedule it for my birthday, I won't forget! I usually do the physical check-up, then have my hair and maybe my nails done, have a quiet lunch somewhere and just enjoy the day...MY day. Anyway, I wanted to sleep in - after all it WAS my birthday, but no such luck. I had to get up early to take the dogs to the vet for boarding (and Macy's surgery), then off to the Driver's License office to get my license renewed, then back to the house to pick up a few things, run a couple more errands and then dash to Chattanooga for the doctor's appointment. As soon as I was out of the doctor's office, I headed back to Cleveland to the pharmacy to pick up prescriptions and then go back to the house. I forgot to take Belle's meds with her to the vet so I had to get them and go back to the vet again. I finally got back to the house after 5:00 pm. Where did the day go? Tim had errands to run before we could go and neither one of us had packed. We threw some things in the suitcase, loaded the car and away we go! Whew! Finally.

As soon as we were in the car, my stomach very loudly proclaimed that it has been neglected all day and is ready for some food. I had not eaten all day. We wanted to get on the road, but decided to go ahead and get something to eat in Cleveland so that when we did actually get 'on the road' we wouldn't have to stop for awhile. Besides, I just needed to stop, relax, unwind and share with Tim how my day had gone, what the doctor said and just general stuff like that.

We ate, talked and relaxed. It was late, but we didn't get in a hurry. We were officially on vacation and if we didn't get any farther than Atlanta tonight, that was fine. We were on vacation! We finally left Cleveland and got as far as Madison, GA - south of Atlanta - before we stopped.

After a good night's sleep and finally getting to sleep in a little bit, we got up and took our time getting dressed. We went to Cracker Barrel for breakfast and then headed down the highway toward Myrtle Beach. I am so ready for a few days off. I'm ready for Myrtle Beach. I just hope Myrtle Beach is ready for me!!

Words of Wisdom

I'm going to let a friend of mine add a few lines to my blog today. Enjoy!


* What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

* Make yourself necessary to somebody.

* To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thanks, Ralph.

Spring

Spring. A familiar word. A happy word. The word 'spring' conjures up pleasant visuals in my mind. Bright blue skies, dancing puffy clouds, vivid yellow jonquils, striking red tulips, a soft breeze blowing, my windchimes singing...ah, spring! (A bit of Bob Ross going on there, I know!) Yes, it seems like I do remember experiencing spring at some point in the past.

BUT WHERE IN THE WORLD IS IT NOW?!?!?!?!?

Is spring ever gonna come again? Is spring gonna sprung? I took Belle out this morning for her regular ritual and she walked over to the backyard, leaned down and was sniffing something. I didn't pay much attention. After all, she's a dog. Dogs do that. They sniff - and it seems like the grosser it is, the more they sniff! Anyway, she would sniff this spot on the ground, walk away and come back to sniff again. She did this several times. And everytime she did, she would sniff and sniff for the longest time. My curiosity finally got the best of me so I went over to see what in the world was so "sniff-acious" - probably just a pile of poo from some new dog in the neighborhood. But, when I got over there, I saw the tiniest, little, most perfectly shaped bright yellow flower with beautiful teeny tiny green leaves! A sure sign of spring!!! And Belle even recognized it and didn't want to leave it! It must have smelled heavenly cause she sure smelled it a lot and she was very careful not to destroy it. I wanted to take a picture of it, but I didn't have my camera with me. But it's there. I saw it. Belle smelled it and together we smiled. Yes, boxers do smile! It's yucky outside today. It's cold and rainy and just generally a depressing looking day. But you know what?

IT'S THERE...THE PROMISE OF BETTER THINGS TO COME!

Life is short

Life is short.

Forgive quickly.

Kiss slowly.

Love truly.

Laugh uncontrollably.

And smile.

I went to the funerals of 3 friends within 3 days' time last week.

Then, I found out that a good friend of mine, quite a few years younger than I, has breast cancer. Her doctor told her that this particular cancer is a "very aggressive, nasty type of cancer." Not encouraging, to say the least. She is scheduled for a double mastectomy next week. She is facing her mortality square in the face, eye to eye, nose to nose. I ache for her.

At one of the funerals I went to, I left feeling good...uplifted...happy, even. They called the memorial service a "Celebration of the Life of [her name]" and it truly was. She was a remarkable woman who brought up an amazing, wonderfully talented and gifted family, 5 generations strong. She was a very happy person and an inspiration to all who knew her. We celebrated her life. The pastor officiating the service even had the congregants to offer an ovation to celebrate her life. It wasn't just an ovation, but a long, standing ovation. As odd as it may seem, it felt appropriate. No, I've never been part of a standing ovation at a memorial service, but it was right for her. We celebrated her life, what she had accomplished and what she accomplished through her family. She will live on. I didn't shed a tear. Instead I laughed. I smiled. I had several "Awww" warm moments. And I felt good when I left. I told someone that it was a beautiful service, and I don't say that often. Especially regarding funerals. But it was.

At one of the other funerals, everyone who knew the deceased was so happy for her. Happy for her? Yes, happy. You see, she had had crippling arthritis since she was just 11 years old. She died at 71, so for 60 years, she had suffered. She had never known the joys and pleasures that most teenage girls do. She never knew the thrill of being married and becoming a mother. She didn't travel very far. She was totally dependent on family members her entire life. She was completely incapacitated and bedridden the last 25 years of her life. But you know what? She was one of the happiest people you could ever meet. She was always singing, always had a joke and according to her family, was one of the most mischievous people ever! Several people made the remark that whenever they went to visit her, they always left feeling better than when they arrived. She left her mark on this world. She didn't leave it through children of her own, but she left it on the hearts of all those who knew and loved her. We are so happy for her now. Because now, she can walk, run, jump, skip, stand up and sit down - and do it all without pain. She has been relieved of her earthly useless casing. She is happy...she is whole...she is free. So, yes, we are happy with her and celebrating her deliverance from disease. It is hard to grieve for someone who has just received so much.

During the same week, 2 friends gave birth to their first baby. There were complications in both cases. In the first case, the baby was born with respiratory complications and was put on a respirator and was kept in the hospital for several days. We were worried. We cried. We prayed. There had been no prenatal indications of any pending complications. It was one of those unpleasant surprises that we never want to face. Everyone was very concerned and the mood was quiet and gloomy for several days. A somber time.

In the second case, the complications were with the mother...a young mother experiencing her first childbirth. She went into labor on a Monday, not delivering the baby until early in the wee hours Thursday morning. The family was upset, scared, tired, nervous, weepy, irritable...not your usual happy, excited enthusiasm while waiting for the birth of a baby. The young mother was having major problems with her blood pressure and with major blood loss. After much labor (oh, what an appropriate word!), she finally delivered a beautiful baby girl. The baby is healthy and very alert. The mother is still suffering. The family is still concerned. They are so proud of the baby, but when you talk to them about the mother, the look on their face changes. They wrinkle their brow, they frown, their eyes tear up. They are worried...worried about the future.

Thinking back on these events of the past week, I realized that feelings seemed reversed. There was celebration at the passing of those we love and yet we cried and were worried at the birth of two beautiful babies. It reminded me that we should rejoice at the passing of a saint and mourn at the birth of a baby. The child's life is full of pain and hardship, while the saint has completed this life and has gone on to receive his reward. It also reminded me of the scripture that says "Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints." [Ps. 116:15].

The Circle of Life. We're all a part of it. What an interesting study!

My Bucket List

My bucket list. Hmmm...I've thought about it quite a bit through the years. I just never put a name to it. I never put a name to the things I want to do before I die, "before I kick the bucket" -- my bucket list. I saw the movie, "The Bucket List" with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman the Friday it opened. It is a great movie and got me to thinking. Instead of thinking of the things I want to do, why not write them down and cross them off my list as I accomplish them? Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not planning on kicking any buckets anytime soon. Nope, not me. I've got too much to do. But it never hurts to have a list. And believe me, the older I get, the more I depend on lists. I live by lists! So here's another list to add to my already too-deep stack of lists. I think I'll keep this one handy.

I've never been one to travel much...not that I don't want to. I would LOVE to be able to travel. I've just never had the means or the time. But you know what? "Time keeps on ticking, ticking, ticking into the future" and I can't get it back. Once it's gone, it's gone. I'm almost 50, so if I'm going to get any travelling done, I need to get started! A lot of my bucket list involves travel. That's what I really want to do, but if I'm not able to literally and physically go, that's okay. I can still read about these places and watch videos of them. I love doing that, anyway, and it's a lot cheaper than actually going! Okay...so here I go with My Bucket List. I may add to it occasionally as time goes by, so check back often for any updates.

1. I've always wanted to go to Italy with Becky. One of these days we're going to make it there. We'll visit the cathedrals, travel the countryside, eat the good food and definitely sample the gelatto!
2. Switzerland. I've wanted to go there since I was a little girl and my parents went. Their pictures and the stories they told planted it in my heart to go. I've had other family members go there and they all make it sound absolutely wonderful and dazzlingly beautiful. I want to visit the tiny villages that hang off the sides of the mountains. And I want to experience "Jungfraujoch" in Bernese Oberland, Switzerland. It is advertised as having "staggering views from the world's highest railroad at 11,400 ft." It is a railroad trip through Switzerland. Want to go with me?!
3. I want to visit the "Bussaco Forest" in Coimba Beiras, Portugal and stay at the Palace Hotel do Bussaco. It's not really a forest, but an enormous walled arboretum carefully tended to by monks for centuries. The king had a summer palace built there in the 17th century, which is now a Hotel.
4. Block Island, Rhode Island - a very small, quiet, quaint little new england island. A perfect place to go for a time of peaceful respite from a too-busy world.
5. Regensburg, Bavaria, Germany "the city of churches" This is one of the few cities that was left unharmed by the air raids of World War II. The main cathedral in town, Dom St. Peter is renowned for two things; its original 14th century stained glass windows and world-renowned Boys Choir.
6. I want to go to Alaska. I think an Alaskan cruise would be fantastic!
7. I want to take a trip on a train. (That may be covered if I go to Switzerland!) To travel through Europe via rail would be exciting.
8. I want to take a really nice trip somewhere with Tim - it doesn't really matter where - to celebrate one of our anniversaries (or all of them! lol) and the completion of his doctorate degree. We've said for years that "on our next anniversary" we're taking a trip. It just never has happened yet, but I am holding out. We will take that trip one day!!

Not all of the items on my bucket list involve travel. Here are a few more items.

9. I want to get completely organized and de-cluttered. (Ok, quit laughing now.)
10. I want to lose 50 lbs and be in good health. I have come to realize that good health is not something to take for granted. And a lot of our health issues involve preventive and pro-active measures. I am already working on this one.
11. I want to write a book. NOT for publication, but for my own pleasure and sense of accomplishment.
12. I want to hold my grandchildren. Enough said.

So there you have it - My Bucket List - as of today, February 1, 2008.

Happy Birthday, Tim

I'm actually a day late for this. Tim's birthday was yesterday. He turned 50! The big 5-0...half a century...over the hill...old. You hear it all when it comes to a milestone birthday, but especially the 50th it seems. And most of the comments are derogatory...very negative. I don't like that. A birthday is to celebrate. Celebrate life. Celebrate living. I was in Hallmark shopping for a birthday card and every card - without exception - designated for a 50th birthday was negative and mostly in a humorous way pointing out the not-so-pleasant aspects of getting old. Where are the cards that shout "CONGRATULATIONS! YOU MADE IT! WAY TO GO! YOU HAVE SUCCESSFULLY LIVED 50 YEARS!" I get a little bit confused. When a couple has been married for 50 years, it is referred to as their "Golden" anniversary and everything is happy and very positive, but when someone has a 50th birthday, they are referred to as being old and over the hill. Well, let me just tell you...Tim is definitely NOT over the hill. He is very much alive, vibrant and active. Age, I think, is mostly a state of mind anyway. It has been said for years that you are only as old as you feel. Well, thank you, there are days when I must feel at least 100! And other days I feel like I could keep up with the youngest, most active child! I know Tim doesn't feel good every day (who does?!), but he is staying busy and active (physically and mentally), and every day with him is golden. There was a time a few years back when we didn't know if he'd have another birthday. Praise the Lord, he has had several birthdays since then, and we expect him to have many, many more. Tim has accomplished more since his illness than he did in all the years before. He is even completing his doctorate degree. He has many plans and goals that he is striving to attain and I believe we will see him reach them. Every single one.

Fifty years...Tim? Yes, he's 50.
Old? Not yet.
Over the hill? Definitely not. Still climbing and reaching!
Golden? Most definitely!

So, Happy Golden Birthday, Tim! You're worth more to me than all the gold in the world. I look forward to spending at least another 50 golden years with you!! I love you!

I'm Getting "ME" Back

I've let ME go for too long! I've been so outwardly focused and so busy taking care of other people and other things, that I've neglected my most important person...ME. Don't misunderstand. I don't mean for that to sound selfish, but...well, then again, maybe it is selfish. It's all about me! I've been reminded once again that if I don't take care of Me, then I won't be able to take care of anybody else. Nobody else can take care of Me like I can. I took a long hard look at Me and decided she needed some major work done. So, I've gotten started on taking care of Me and getting the ME back that I used to have. (She wandered off at some point and I've got to find her and get her back!) Ok...maybe I've had too much caffeine today! But I have started. I am eating right. I've started my fitness program again. I had my nails done. And, (insert big YAY! here) I'm going today to get my hair colored and cut. I'm so overdue on that. I'm making sure that I make time daily for more prayer, meditation and Bible study. That helps Me more than any of the other physical stuff. In fact, it helps bring everything together. And I plan to rest. Mind and body.

Well, I think I found her. She just needs a lot of work. I'm getting ME back. It feels good.

Happy New Year? Not yet.

(This is copied from my journal entry on 01-01-08)
Happy New Year. The words seem hollow...empty. Just words. Three little words - a combination of 12 letters and 4 syllables. I just don't feel it this year. I have in the past. We stay up every year watching the ball drop in Times Square and/or praying the old year out and the new year in. We've even been to Times Square on new Year's Eve. So many people. It was a huge, exciting party. It was fun and we were happy. I've had many happy new years. But this new year's day doesn't seem so happy. I'm tired.

It's 8:00 a.m. and I'm sitting in the Nashville airport watching a lot of other tired-looking people make their way robotically to their gate. I wonder where they're all going. Why are they travelling today? I'm sure a lot of them are heading home from the holidays, back to work and school - back to the routine. My routine would normally return tomorrow, but not this year. I'm headed to Baton Rouge. Mama had a stroke yesterday. We don't know why or what caused it. She had surgery December 4 and seemed to be recovering well. In fact, when I talked to her Sunday night, she was doing quite well - still recovering, but she was laughing and talking. I commented to Tim when I got off the phone that she seemed more like herself than she has since before the surgery. And then, about 12 hours later, she stroked. Who would've known? I got the call to come home and here I am, sitting in the airport waiting to board the plane for New Orleans.

2008 will be better. 2007 was a tiring year. A lot happened and especially toward the end of the year with Mama's surgery on the 4th and on the 12th we lost a very special, very beloved aunt, Nita. We will miss her so much. I plan to make some much-needed changes this year. And I plan to enjoy this year. At the end of this year, I hope to be able to say "Goodbye 2008. It was a happy old year."

Well, here goes. My first blog entry. I have been encouraged by some to start my own blog. We'll see how it goes from here. I enjoy reading other peoples' blogs, and perhaps someone will enjoy mine. I've kept a journal for years. My writings have been very personal and I don't usually share them, but maybe it's time for me to start sharing my thoughts. Some of them anyway! Writing has been therapeutic for me at times. I can put my fears, thrills, hurts, frustrations, joys and questions on paper and at times, simply by doing that, I put them to rest. Sometimes the hardest things to say out loud can be communicated through the written word. Last year for Valentine's Day, I gave Tim 14 Days of Valentines. I started on February 1 with "On the first day of Valentine's my true love gave to me..." and gave him a different gift each day until the 14th. One of the gifts I gave him was a gift of love letters. I wrote things that I truly feel, but hardly ever say. When writing, I can organize my thoughts and decide how to say them first before actually writing them down. When sitting face-to-face with someone it's hard to do that. Too often, I speak first and then think. Or I don't say everything I wish I had. By thinking it through, focusing on what I want to say and organizing my thoughts and THEN putting it on paper, it seems to sound so much better than if I just blurt it out. And the written word can be kept. Too often in our busy lives, our brains are so full of 'stuff' and so muddled, it's hard to remember everything that is said. So...with that in mind, I'm putting my thoughts in print. I tend to ramble at times, but do occasionally have a revelation of sorts. Hence the name of my blog...Ramblings and Revelations! Read on...